Why have I decided to blog again? And right at the busiest time of the semester, with portfolios due for my writing classes, and essays to write, and finals to study for? One, because I'm insane (in the best sense of the word) and two, because I think a lot. Probably more than is healthy for me. And I dream-literally and figuratively. I have so much that I want to do with my life, and I know that God's plans for me are even crazier and better than anything I might have floating around in my head. I guess I'm just hoping to chronicle the process as best as I can, share what I learn along the way, and hopefully figure out what it is exactly that I'm supposed to do with my life, seeing as how I only have a year left of college after this semester (yes, I'm trying to graduate in 2.5 years instead of 4-see reason number one for blogging again!).
So what have I learned since my last blogging attempt? A few Spanish verb tenses, a couple of crazy camp songs...and that sometimes God has us wait! Crazy, right?
Long story short (for those of you who maybe aren't familiar with my story, or for anyone who actually cares), about two years ago I was accepted at college to major in creative writing. I'd always wanted to write, since before I could scribble the merest approximation of my name, but I didn't know what else to do with my life.
Then in May of 2011 I was invited to go to a Bible study for some immigrant workers in my area. I'd never really interacted with native speakers of Spanish before (you know, actual hispanohablantes) but everyone was really nice, and I enjoyed the study. The next week, the regular interpreter couldn't make it, and the Bible study people asked me to step in. Mind you, I'd taken Spanish since I was 11, and I guess was one of the better students in the class. I like words; I guess you might say I collect them (got that from a GORGEOUS song called by a band named Camila, "Song Collector" or "Coleccionista de canciones;" I think I'm more of a "coleccionista de palabras"), but I wasn't nearly as fluent as the regular interpreter. It's not like they teach "The Bible in Spanish" as a unit at my high school. But I gave it a shot.
I showed up armed with a packet on the different verb tenses, a beat-up Spanish-English dictionary, and whatever chapter we were working on in John than week printed out in Spanish. It was pretty rough, not gonna lie, but I tried, and in hindsight that's when I learned that God rewards faithfulness-you know, stepping out in faith. Because I soon found that I loved interpreting, so much that I added Spanish as a second major before ever setting foot on campus.
Fast-forward to college that fall. I was nervous, couldn't really eat or sleep, because I went from my tiny high school to knowing no one. But I just happened to run into the Campus Ambassadors table and just happened to sit with some C.A. leadership at lunch, and so I went to their first meeting of the semester. Cindy, one of the leaders, told us about a missions trip to the Dominican Republic that they were planning, and I thought it sounded cool, but that I'd never be able to afford it. The next week she sent out an email with the price-$850. First time since being saved that I knew that I was meant to do something!
I called my mom and (trying to cut this admittedly long story down) she eventually agreed to let me go. I talked to my pastor and my church donated $400 because I couldn't come up with so much money in four months. I saved up, and I went.
I loved the Dominican Republic. I loved the people, the juice, the rhythm of the country (in Spanish I'd say its latido, its heartbeat), and loved using my still-limited Spanish to try and interpret for my team and to reach out to the people. My favorite part was spending time with a church in Santo Domingo. We helped with a giant childrens' event, Enciende una Sonrisa or "Light Up a Smile," where we gave toys to 1,500 kids. There were giant dance parties and mountains of food (they're very hospitable) and there was bilingual worship on a nature trail and lots of laughter and love. Pulling away from that church in the bus, I'd cried so much that I had no more tears and was still sobbing and shaking. I didn't want to leave.
Rob, one of the leaders of the trip and a Dominican himself, tried to cheer me up. "You can always come back next year!"
"But I only could go because-because my church gave me the money!" I sniffed.
"Jenna, 20 dollars a week, you'll have more than enough!" I thought about it, did the math in my head, and smiled.
And it was then I resolved to save up to go back next year. And I didn't just prepare financially-I worked really hard at my Spanish so that I could communicate better with the people and interpret for my team members without needing Rob or somebody else close hand. I kept in contact with all of my friends via Facebook, chatting with them to pick up on the slang that they don't teach us in a classroom. I was sure that God could use me to reach out to these people!
But it wasn't in His plan.
You see, we needed 10 people to go, and we had 7 sign up. We couldn't get the group rate for the plane tickets with just 7. I was heartbroken. Why would God have me save up over $600, ask for money for Christmas, and give me this big desire to reach out to these people, only to say no?
I don't know. And the Dominicans keep asking me why we're not coming back, and I don't have an answer for them except that the time's not right. It may be that God never gives me a reason in this life. I mean, it's not that He's saying no for forever, but it could be that I never go back. I talked to my pastor about this, and he pointed out that it's common in scripture that God gives you a plan, a dream, a vision, and then takes it back for a time. Look at Moses, spending 40 years before going to speak to Pharoah. Look at David-he didn't just kill Goliath and end up being king the next day. He spent his time on the run for his life!
I know that my God is good, and I know that He is faithful. I know that He has a plan for me, and for this money, and for this desire. I pray that I can soon see my friends in the D.R. and go back, but if not, I know that God will place me where I need to be to carry out His will, whatever it may be!
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the Lord.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
-Isaiah 55:8-9
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